Starting a Conversation About Mne
When your child is going through a tough time, you can’t always make things better straightaway, but by listening and being there for them, you'll make a big difference.
If your child can share what they’re going through and feel that they're understood, their feelings will become a little easier to manage. Just knowing you're there for them and that they can talk to you will help them feel less alone and more able to cope.
How to start the conversation
Pick the right time
Think about when your child is usually most calm as this will help things from the outset. If you've had a tough day then maybe pick another time as it's important you're in the right headspace too.
Do something together
It's easier for children to open up while they're doing an activity, and doing something side by side is easier than face to face. Try to pick an activity that doesn't need too much concentration such as walking, colouring or playing a game.
Check in gently
Start with something general like "what did you get up to today?" or "did you watch the next episode of...?" Then move it on "I've noticed you seem a little down lately...is something bothering you?" or "It's been a while since we talked about...how's it going?"
If they’re not in the mood, don’t be put off, force them to talk or push for answers. Just focus on enjoying the activity together and give them some space. It can take time for them to open up and you can always try again another day.
How to respond during the conversation
Give them space to talk
Let the conversation gradually build and try not to rush in asking "why?" or "how?" - leave pauses for them to explain in full.
Stay calm and really listen
Give them your full attention. Be calm and caring to show them that you can handle what they're sharing and they can rely on you. Try and see what they're telling you through their eyes and try not to minimise what they tell you.
Be reassuring
They might feel like things will be this way forever, so avoid coming up with quick solutions to complicated problems. Do show them that you’re confident there will be a way to make things better.
What to do afterwards
You might be upset, feel guilty or angry. You might also be confused and need to share with a close confidant or seek some advice.
Make sure you've let your child know you're there whenever they want to talk some more. You might agree a plan that works for them - when and how to check in, spending time together or giving them space.
If things are still not working
Your child or young person might not be ready to talk, no matter what you try. It doesn’t mean they’ll feel this way forever, but it can be really upsetting as a parent.
Remember, lots of people find it difficult to open up when they’re struggling. Even though it’s tough, try not to step back or shut down. Make it clear that you’re still there and you’ll be ready when they are.
It might also be time to encourage them to speak to someone else - a trusted family member or friend, your GP, or a counsellor.